The Only Reason You’re Amazing And Still Single
Feel like you’ve missed the boat?
You want to get married.
You want a travel companion.
You’d love to have someone to come home to.
You love kids and you want to have your own.
A warm home is a high priority in your mind.
Maybe you’d get a dog, or another dog.
You haven’t missed the boat.
It’s literally never too late.
Not only is it never too late to get married and create a family, but there’s actually not even a right time to get started on the journey towards finding the best partner for your life. Since people have been around on the planet, far before you or I were here, people started pairing up and having children throughout a wide range of ages and points in their life.
Your focus as a single person needs to be to go out there and be the best version of yourself that you can be. Set up your life to suit you while leaving enough space to incorporate your future partner. Get your work setup the way you want it. Get your career on path to be in the direction you eventually want it to go. Sort out your social life. Figure out who in your family you’d like to keep around. Get in shape. Be emotionally healthy. Follow healthy lifestyle habits and weave them into the fabric of your life in a way that no one can take away from you. Finish school. Be happy. Then put yourself out there and find the right match.
The biggest problem that I see single people have is that they are looking for a partner too soon. They don’t have their life in order yet and they wonder why they haven’t found the right person. They worry that they will never find the right person. That’s a totally normal experience. A lot of people don’t even realize that they need to prep their life like I discussed above in order to be ready for marriage.
Many singles have been busy for years with a variety of life’s responsibilities such as having a rocket ship mentality towards building up their career. Some singles have been busy taking care of their family of origin. Sometimes there are younger siblings who need a lot of support or elder parents and grandparents who haven’t been able to take care of themselves. School is another big one. Pursuing higher levels of education takes a lot of time on a day to day basis and can take years to complete. By the time people are done with their higher degrees, they wake up and they are beyond ready for marriage, but still single.
Many of you have been working diligently on your life and searching everywhere you can for the right one. Many of you have everything in your life and you’re still missing a partner to share it with. Many of you have reached great heights in success, money, self-care, humbleness, and you’re still single. If you feel like your life is amazing, that you are amazing, that the only thing you are missing is love, then you only have one problem.
ACCESS
Access to the right people at the right time in your life is the most important element of living a life well matched. When you’re amazing and you rush and marry just anyone, you run a very high risk of living miserably ever after. My goodness, I cannot tell you how many times I have seen this happen. It’s like panic selling when the stock market crashes one day. It’s like selling a hot property in late December when there’s hardly any buyers. Maximize your potential. Maximize your ability to get the best for yourself. You are the only person responsible for your happiness.
This is especially important if you want to have children. You need to choose the best parent you possibly can. There’s no going back once you have kids. There’s no return policy. You don’t want to have added layers of struggle because your partner makes your life harder, because you are unnerved at each passing moment because of the constant influence they have on your mind and on your kids. Choose someone who you would be thrilled your children would be a carbon copy of because that is a likely possibility. Choose someone who’s family you like having around you. Choose someone who has similar values and wants similar outcomes as you for their future. Choose someone you really really like.
Of course the one thing that is a restriction to all this is women who want to get pregnant and have their own children. I have had clients who have had their first, very healthy and happy child, in their teens all the way to their early 40’s. It’s not impossible to have kids later and later in life, but of course many women want to start somewhere in their 20’s and 30’s. As a woman, it’s your responsibility to keep that in mind. Not all married couples want children. From what I have seen, most do. Not all end up having kids anyway and not all couples follow the traditional hanky panky route to having kids. You do it your way as Frank Sinatra would say.
You’ll notice I haven’t mentioned love yet. Loving someone is honestly probably the easiest part. The nicer you are as an individual, the easier it is to love someone. Note that I’m not saying it’s easier to be loved when you are nice. It’s actually easier to get targeted by people who aren’t very nice when you are very nice. Be extra careful if you are nice. The world is full of people who are ready and willing to take advantage of your kindness in all kinds of ways.
Where oh where do you go to find your match? Let friends, family, co-workers you’re close with know that you’re single and looking. Go out as much as you can. Find some good dating websites where serious people are looking. Believe it or not, social media is another great place to meet people. School, work, parties, etc. Take a certification class here and there. You learn a new skill and meet new people. Keep your head up and your eyes searching. You never know who is where when.
When you get yourself going in the right direction towards being amazing and choosing someone amazing, you will see that it’s not hard to love someone who is also amazing. It will just happen. When you have access to many of the right people, then you get to sort through and choose the best one for yourself. Then you get to pair up and live happily ever after. Tell me that doesn’t sound like exactly what you want. The only question you need to ask yourself is: Why not have it all? ♡
