How To Choose The Best Life Partner
In all my years as a Life Coach and MFT, I have never heard of a subject that is more fascinating to people than love. It’s at the forefront, the back burner, and everywhere in between of people’s minds. Love is encapsulated within everything human beings do in some way shape or form. We all want to be thought of dearly and cared for tenderly. Every person wants to be held tightly and loved unconditionally. This natural desire is unfortunately coupled with not enough information about what makes a great relationship. This disastrous combination leads to many many unhappily married people in the world. There are also singles who have seen far too many of these unhappy couples and they avoid getting into relationships altogether. As was the thesis for my second Master’s, I’ve made it my life’s mission to change this phenomena. I can confidently tell you that it doesn't have to be this way.
How is it possible to choose the best life partner? Well, when you know what works and you only spend your time dating people who will fit your life, you’re golden. You can’t really go wrong after that. The magic really happens when you can find someone who has the qualities I’ve condensed into 3 steps below. Take a deep breath, sit tall, and clear your mind because this is going to be some of the quickest, best advice you will ever get in your life.
Step 1: Imagine what your amazing partner would be like
The general idea is that you have an amazing life before you bring a partner into it. When your life is where you want it to be, your mind and body are in line with how you want to think and feel, then you can imagine a partner who will enhance your already fantastic life. Making your life great isn’t always a simple task but it is a necessary prerequisite to choosing the best partner. Getting your mind, body, life, finances, etc. in order is a must before you even go out there looking for that great match to your life. Imagine what type of person you want to be with. Now imagine what type of person that amazing person is looking for. Work on being your best so that when you meet, the rest is as easy as can be.
Step 2: Be clear on your intentions with yourself and with the person you are dating
Know where you are in your life and where you want to be. Commit to being clear with the person you are dating on what you are aiming for so that you can know step by step if your future goals line up. If they are off center from each other just a bit, you can assess whether that person has enough of an overall value for your life to work with them so that you can fall in line with each other. I don’t like to use the word compromise, but this is a part of your life where you essentially have to start working as a unit instead of as two individuals. When both people do this simultaneously, viola, a lot of good will come from it.
Step 3: Maintain the good stuff and keep ridding your relationship of the bad stuff
People who are happy in long term relationships all have a handful of things in common. One of the most important things they do is to maintain peace and happiness while not allowing undesirable feelings or experiences to take over their relationship. Successful couples realize that they aren’t going to exit the relationship and they close all the possible doors to leaving. When you do that and you know that this person is the person you are going to keep your life intertwined with for as long as you are alive, a magical thing happens. You naturally want to work at it. It’s similar to owning a house or a car that you know you need everyday and you want to keep it in great condition. There’s a great quote I see online all the time that applies to this step. The way you do one thing is the way you do everything. Take your life and your relationship seriously. You get one try at making things the way you want to remember them when you’re old and gray. Be the you that your future self will be proud of. Be the you that will be cherished by your partner everyday.
Step 4: Commit to happiness
Marriage is long. It’s supposed to be that way. Focus on the end goal. Commit to achieving a sense of happiness that is unshakable by all the things that could happen in life. Every time you look at your partner, remember that you are in it for the long run with each other. You are in it for the goal of becoming your best selves. Difficulty and hardship doesn’t mean that your relationship won’t work out or won’t change for the better soon. It just means that you need to dig deeper within you and work harder at your relationship. Needless to say, lying, cheating, and stealing aren’t categorized as difficulties. They are deal breakers. So don’t do it and don’t tolerate it.
The key to all this is two people both working together in tandem. All in all, it’s not as important which exact partner you choose for your life. People will generally choose the person who lines up best with them at the point in their life that they are looking to have a serious relationship. Focus on finding someone you trust and respect so much that you want to learn from them and grow with them. Feel free to quote me on that one!
