The #1 Request Of All Husbands
Oh the age old question of how to keep your husband happy…
It’s very interesting sitting with married men over the last decade or so and listening to what they really want from marriage and life. I’d say easily about 90% of men want about the same things with a wide variation within each request. Women as we all know, are all unique and want a multitude of different things from life and from marriage at very wide ranging variations. That’s a story for another day.
As far as men are concerned, it’s thankfully pretty straightforward. Let’s talk about the main things that all husband’s want and then we will get to the Number 1 request they all have.
Yes, anyone can guess the basic requests almost all husband’s have: sex, food, alone time, affection, tv time, to be hailed as the king of the household, etc. Men almost always want to be the main breadwinner and to be financially stable. As far as nature is concerned, a husband’s most valuable priorities are making sure the family has a roof over their head and food on the table. This is because someone, mainly the wife, is the primary caretaker. If you have kids, you know what I’m talking about. It becomes very very complex when the husband isn’t the main breadwinner or cannot sustain the family at the quality of life the husband and wife hope for with his income. Very complex. Who ends up watching the kids? Do you move to a more affordable city? Do you put the kids in paid childcare? Do you have grandparents raise the children so both parents can work? It goes without saying that the most important person in a child’s life is their mother. If said husband can setup a life so that said wife can be the best mother possible, you have yourself an ideal situation. Of course, it’s understandable that not all families can make this a reality.
Why do I go off on this tangent? Well, when this fundamental priority of financial stability is not met by the husband, the domino effect of repercussions leads to the husband not getting their Number 1 request met from their wife. What is that Number 1 request you ask?
Peace
All husbands around the world at any given time in history put peace as their Number 1 request from their wives. The way men and women’s brains are wired are different on so many levels. The same way we look different on the outside is how different we are on the inside. Men’s brains rapidly rise to a state of chaos when their wives disrupt the peace. Where women generally attain a sense of peace by creating some kind of chaos, whether internally or externally, men live and breathe peace until it is disturbed.
That’s why chaos is the least desirable quality in a relationship for men. That’s why women who cause too much chaos to their relationship are generally ignored or somehow abused by their partner. It’s a sad state of affairs to live in this scenario. Because men are physically stronger than women, their outbursts are generally larger than that of any woman. Choosing a man based on how he handles chaos is a very smart route for women to take. Not tolerating anything but a healthy relationship is the only alternative.
How do you achieve this seemingly utopian alternative of a healthy relationship? Believe it or not, it’s actually not that hard. There’s two points in life you may be at as a man or woman, single or in a relationship. Either way, either gender, the first step is the same. You always start with becoming a healthy communicator yourself. Being able to control your inner world is very important. As a single person, you need to reverse engineer this by creating the life you want for yourself so that your inner world can be peaceful. Then when your inner world is peaceful, you go out there and find someone who does not disrupt it without being able to build strength from it.
Chaos in your life is the thief of peace in your mind.
That was my Instagram quote for today. Check out my page if you haven’t already. Your mind, your body, and your life are inextricably intertwined. The only way to achieve a pure sense of peace and happiness is to have all three elements in line with each other. If you’re curious to learn more about how to choose the best life partner and create a happy marriage, check out my book: Win at Love, Win at Life. My book is an in depth view on everything you need to know to choose the best life partner. We do so much research on everything else in our life, why not on choosing the person we will share everything with?
As a married person, your path will be a little different. You will start with creating an inner sense of peace by reducing as much of the chaos as you can, and then you will set your mind to working on the dynamic with your partner. Here is a quick play-by-play that works if your partner is interested in having an ideal healthy relationship with you.
Calmly, clearly express to your partner that you want to work on your communication pattern together.
Express where you realize you have been contributing to unwanted elements of the dynamic.
Ask for feedback.
Ask if your partner is open to hearing a few bullet points on what they’re doing in the course of communication that isn’t working for you. It’s important to ask and prime your partner in a loving way to hearing feedback.
If they say yes, kindly and gently let them know what disrupts your peace.
If they say no, take some time off the subject and start the process over another time. If your partner never chooses to change, you may be at a standstill in your relationship. That usually means get professional help, live with no changes, or breakup.
I am of course always here to help couples around the world in navigating these difficult conversations. My goal is always to help people feel completely better after one session and I am successful at that almost 100% of the time. After about a dozen years and having seen tens of thousands of clients, mostly couples, I get straight to the point and help you get the marriage you are hoping for. If there isn’t anything that I can do, I will let you know in one session as well. If there is too much resistance and one or both people are not fully committed to the relationship, you will know that in one session as well.
Keep in mind, you only live once. Why not live in a way you will be happy to remember one day?
Sending you lots of love from Scottsdale, Arizona. Best of luck with your marriage. I'm here if you need any help.
