Stay Married or Get Divorced: Factors to Consider
If you are considering divorce and you are reading about it online, you must be spending a lot of time thinking and debating with yourself. This might be a new thought that came up in your mind recently because of an isolated incident that happened in the last few hours or days or you may have been thinking about leaving your partner for months if not years. Deciding to stay or leave your partner is a more complex decision than deciding who to choose to marry in the first place. This is because you have now spent time with this person and created intricately intertwined systems of life together that generally have to be undone or dealt with even if you divorce.
The most common considerations for people contemplating divorce are:
Whether or not you have children and how divorce will effect them
The financial repercussions of divorce
The reason or incident that is making you consider leaving
Will you be happier staying or leaving
The above factors put most people who are considering leaving in the gray area of whether it would be more beneficial or more detrimental to their lives to divorce. When stuck in this gray area, it’s almost as though you’re 50/50 on staying vs. leaving. This is a very common experience.
The sooner you can bring yourself to accept that you are having an internal struggle because something needs to change, the sooner you are on your way to making the best decision for your life. Any and all internal struggle implies that your mind and body are not in agreement with what is happening in your life. Internal struggle is the light that shows you happiness. Understanding yourself and your undesired feelings such as fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc., will pave the path towards peace, happiness, freedom, calm, and better physical health. Whether you end up staying married or divorcing, keep your #1 priority as being your best self. What many people find is that they are being shaped into their best self through what seems on the surface like a difficult marriage.
Some people have objective and concrete reasons for wanting to leave. Some of these reasons are:
Abuse: physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal towards you or a loved one
Addiction and all the direct and indirect problems that it creates
Cheating and infidelity by your partner or by you
Your partner has a diagnosed personality disorder
If you are experiencing one or more of these challenges, you are probably in the objectively acceptable category of it makes sense to leave. Even still, you may have doubts of leaving and hopes for change if you stay. Tending toward peace of mind is the best strategy to help you uncover your truth and what you want to make of your life. If you are having trouble tending toward peace, there are books and professionals like myself easily accessible to help you transform your life so that it operates at its fullest potential.
There are many other factors to a couples life than the above mentioned ones. Those factors are generally the ones that are keeping you in the relationship. These include but of course are not limited to the opinions or anticipated opinions of extended family members, whether or not you are worried that you will be alone after divorce, shame, guilt, being worried what society will think of you, your feeling that you might be causing the problems, etc. Many of these are assumptions and are short-lived. Some reasons may be pulling you towards staying a little longer to see if it’s worth staying for the rest of your life.
The conclusion of your debate on divorcing vs. staying married will be a true test to your decision making skills. Sit with a quiet mind and weigh all of the factors and future potential. This will guide you to making the best decision for your future life. I want to reassure you that most people don’t know where to begin on choosing the best life partner for their life. Most people also don’t know how to repair a marriage that has gone sour. Given that you already chose your partner and you are in a position where you aren’t sure if you’ve made the right choice, considering divorce is an expected position to be in. If you aren’t certain if divorce is right for you, don’t hesitate to educate yourself on options and on figure out if repair is possible for your relationship.
Even though no one wants to be alone, learning how to be happily married is a skill that most people never learn. From my extensive experience working with thousands of couples around the world over the last several years, most unhappily married people who end up having affairs, constantly fighting, or getting divorced could have prevented their larger-scale problems if they had made realizations and changes early on or as soon as they started contemplating divorce. If you think that I can be helpful in guiding you towards making the best decision in your life, take a moment and read my FAQ page and reach out if you would like to schedule an appointment. I give my clients the space to resolve their life challenges in one sitting. With time to unpack everything on your mind as well as time to receive insight, guidance, new knowledge, new perspective, you can know that when you’re my client, you’re only one session away from a new life.
Wishing you all the best,
Michelle
