What Not To Do In A Relationship

Choosing a partner in life is such an important decision that it is helpful to think it thoroughly through before bringing someone into your life. There are many factors to take into consideration and many questions to ask yourself as the process of choosing your partner takes place.

The first most important factor to consider is whether or not the person you are considering enhances your life or not. Do they bring you more happiness than you already have or is what you're experiencing a false sense of dependence? Does this person walk hand in hand with you on your own path to growth as they expand their own mind and way of thinking or are either of you pulling the other person down?

Conflict. This is a major consideration before entangling your life with someone. Conflict has many facets to it.

The first of several facets to think about is the frequency and intensity of the conflict. Research over the decades by John Gottman and his very capable team have shown that in essentially all relationships around the world over time, 2 people experience the same frequency and intensity of conflict as any other 2 people. What does this mean? That means that conflict is pretty much bound to happen. How you deal with it is what makes the difference between a successful relationship and one that maintains unhappiness or ends altogether.

In relationships that are successful, 2 people grow stronger every time there is conflict. In relationships that end or maintain misery, the conflict keeps creating more and more disconnect. If you're having trouble handling conflict within a relationship, seeking couples counseling is a great place to start. Individual therapy is also very helpful because even if just one of two people is working on the relationship, that relationship will likely experience shifts. Both individuals can achieve better insight through therapy as well.

Some bullet point ideas to remember are listed in the image below.

All this said, if you are experiencing relationship damaging conflict, look inwards instead of blaming, getting defensive, holding contempt, or turning away from your partner. What to do instead are learn the tools and skills specific to your relationship that will help you overcome these undesirable experiences.