Here is a talk for everyone to watch. Esther Perel says the kiss that you can imagine is as powerful as hours of love making. It is our imagination that is responsible for love, not the other person. This video talks about how to think about affairs and what to do with their aftermath in a more peaceful way than we are used to.
Desire runs deep, betrayal runs deep. Some affairs are death knells to relationships. Other affairs will jolt both partners to consider new possibilities. The fact is that the majority of couples who experience an affair stay together, but some of them will merely survive while others will be able to turn a crisis into a possibility and regenerative experience.
A lot of couples in the immediate aftermath of the affair will have depths of honesty in their conversations that they haven't had in years or ever. Something about the fear of loss can rekindle desire and create a new kind of truth. Healing begins when the perpetrator acknowledges wrong doing. For the partner who had the affair, it is essential for them to express guilt and remorse for the hurt they have caused. It is important for the partner who was deceived to create meaning in their life and to create meaning in understanding how to redefine their relationship if they decide to stay. Your first marriage is over, would you like to create a second one with each other?
Betrayal in a relationship comes in many forms as mentioned in my previous post. Watch this video for a different way of thinking about affairs.